Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Adult Humor

Little John attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, John asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.John, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."


Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek. "Hey, bud, how are ya?" "I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!" "Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot! "No way, how could that be?" "Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!" "Holy shit! You're kidding, right?" "No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her" So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"
The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tatooed to his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the request. The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy thinks for a while and decides that its a fair price. The designer starts the tattoo-ing and in the middle of the job asks the man, "Why are you doing this?" The man replies, "That's personal." With that, the designer continues to do the tattoo. The designer is stillIntrigued by such a bizarre request, so he tells the customer, "I'll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why you are doing this." The man thinks again and replies, "Okay, that's reasonable." The man continues, "There are three reasons, first I like to play with money, second I like to watch money grow, and third and the most important, if my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, she can do it right at home."

A waitress walking to a table in a restaurant sees 4 foreign businessmen, furiously jerking off. She takes their orders and before walking back she asks the businessmen: "gentlemen, may I ask you, why are you so frantically jerking off? "The businessmen reply: "menu says: first come first served”

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