Tuesday, January 29, 2008

New to me: "You might be a redneck..." (by Jeff Foxworthy)

redneck hot tub

  1. Your kids attended your high school graduation.
  2. Diners change tables when your family sits near them.
  3. Any of your children have been banned from daycare.
  4. You start a fight in a bar and your wife finishes it.
  5. Your family reunion is sponsored by a beer company.
  6. The Jerry Springer Show asks you back.
  7. There’s no record of your birth anywhere.
  8. You’re related to the stripper at your bachelor party.
  9. The only thing you inherited from your father is alcoholism.
  10. Your grandmother is pregnant.
  11. Your kid’s Barbie Dream House has a clothesline in its front yard.
  12. You have candles on a pan of cornbread for your birthday.
  13. You walk through a metal detector at your family reunion.
  14. You proposed at Denny’s.
  15. Some of your kids are the result of a conjugal visit.
  16. You requested the honeymoon suite at the Motel 6.
  17. You dumped your boyfriend because your husband made parole.
  18. Most of your wedding gifts came from the Army-Navy store
  19. The figurines on your wedding cake included your two dogs.
  20. You whistle at women in church.
  21. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  22. Winn-Dixie catered your wedding reception.
  23. The flowers in the bridal bouquet were plastic.
  24. Your wedding song was played on a banjo.
  25. Your kids keep telling you, “Daddy, why don’t you marry Mommy?”
  26. You painted your truck camouflage and now you can’t find it.
  27. You own 5 cars and still bum a ride to work.
  28. Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.
  29. Your bicycle has a gun rack.
  30. Your Christmas wreath is made out of a tire.
  31. Hitchhikers won’t ride with you.
  32. You got your watch free with a fill-up.
  33. Your car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to get it.
  34. Your license plate is handwritten on cardboard.
  35. You did your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
  36. You refer to your wife and mother-in-law as ‘dual air bags.’
  37. Your passenger’s side window is a Hefty bag.
  38. Your house was involved in a car accident.
  39. You’ve driven for more than a month on the temporary spare tire.
  40. You bought your wife’s birthday gift at Pep Boy’s.

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