Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Damn! Some People are just this Dumb!

30 Common Sense Tips for the Sense-Deprived
  1. Don't eat rocks.
  2. Don't take naps in the road.
  3. Don't stoke fires with your fingers.
  4. Don't throw a brick straight up.
  5. Don't breathe car exhaust.
  6. For all pertinent tasks, use a hammer, not your fist.
  7. Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
  8. Don't flip off the Mafia.
  9. Light birthday cake candles from back to front.
  10. Don't shave with a lawn mower.
  11. Don't stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets.
  12. Don't bathe in a tub full of snow.
  13. Don't iron clothes while wearing them.
  14. Don't eat hot coals.
  15. Don't wash floors with cough syrup.
  16. Don't kick porcupines with bare feet.
  17. Don't sled down hills with interstates at the bottom.
  18. Don't test the strength of your skull with a nail gun.
  19. Don't lick dry ice.
  20. Don't pour salt in your eyes.
  21. Don't chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
  22. Don't swallow toothpaste.
  23. Don't lick toads, bulls, or jellyfish.
  24. Don't go swimming in a well.
  25. Elvis is dead. Get over it.
  26. Wear clothes at all times.
  27. Use a pot holder when removing items from the oven.
  28. Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.
  29. Don't brush your teeth with a wire-bristled sanding wheel.
  30. Don’t use the cat to dry off your car.

1 comment:

driftersong said...

Are you sure Elvis is really dead ? o_O